Help Me

This time of year is the gold standard for overdoing life, then we get sick and have no fun. Schedules are full, expectations are increasingly high, and somehow we convince ourselves we should be able to handle all of it.

This is your reminder to ask for help. Asking for help isn’t a weakness. It’s a necessity if you want time for self-care, sleep, and any kind of healthy routine. My kids are 12. My husband and I both work. I have aging parents and in-laws who need help with a variety of things. Life is full and it’s heavy sometimes.

It IS POSSIBLE to feel happy even when life is hard. We’re wired with a negativity bias because our brains are built for survival. We’re also wired to be independent and not ask for help. That combination can be brutal.

I’ll be honest: I stink at asking for help. But I’ve learned that many hands really do make light work.

We all get 168 hours in a week. How we spend them matters. Someone at my corporate wellness workshop on Stress asked me this week how I get in workouts and all of the things in the week. This is a longer version of what I shared with her. 

Here’s my top ten list of how I ask for help in my household nothing fancy, just specific and out loud:

1. Laundry – who will pick up all the random clothing around the house? who will put their clothing away first?
2. Vacuuming/sweeping – who will pick up first? who will actually run the vacuum?
3. Dishes – who will wash? who will dry? who will put them away?
4. Food prep – who will cut the carrots or whatever? who will make the seltzer in the SodaStream?
5. Trash & recycling – who will empty the small cans? who will take the bins to the curb and back? who will take recycling? how about garbage? 
6. Pet care – who will feed the fish? who will walk the dogs?
7. School logistics – who checks backpacks for papers? who signs forms? who packs lunches or snacks?
8. Errands – who can run to the store for one missing ingredient? pick up prescriptions? grab groceries?
9. Tidying common spaces – who resets the living room at night? who clears the kitchen counters?
10. Emotional labor check-ins – who can listen for five minutes? who can sit with me while I figure this out?

You don’t get extra credit for doing it all alone. Independence is useful, but interdependence is how families and communities actually work. Bonus: families that do more together tend to feel closer and more relaxed. Many hands don’t just make light work. They make sustainable lives. Before the day ends, name one task you will no longer carry by yourself. Ask for help. Then pass this list along to someone who needs permission to do the same.

P.S. I have also recently learned if I say “what I will I say about those _______over there?” it helps my kids think for themselves rather than me using my brain power to tell them what I am thinking.